A Questionable Quest

I’m sure by this point, you’ve seen this meme floating around:


Somehow I imagine the run in with this cat would go something like this:

“Excuse me! Hello! You over there, hooman! You look like you are on your way to the giant evil mountain thingie to do something. But I have a very important task for you that is much more important! I will pay you handsomely! Are you interested?”

(Select one)
👉 “Um, sure?”
“I’m not helping a talking cat.”

“Excellent. I require 27 cans of Fancy Feast.”

“That’s it? You can’t do it yourself?”

“I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO THAN BE TRIFLED BY HUMAN CONVENTIONS OF GROCERY STORES AND PAPER MONEY!!!”

(Select one)
👉 “Fine, I’ll get you your cat food.
“Looks like you’re screwed kitty.”

(One hour later, after battling through hordes of giant rats and wild boars, you return and find the cat in the same spot….er…”grooming” himself.) 

“Here you go, 27 cans of Fancy Feast.”

“This is not the right flavor.”

“Seriously, you’re a cat, why do you even care? It’s not like you take the time to taste what you’re eating.”

“I DO NOT EAT PÂTÉ! BRING ME THE SLICED BEEF! WITH GRAVY!”

(Another hour later since all the monsters respawned and there’s also a rare elite in front of the cat food now, which kills you a few times before a level 100 swoops in to help you.)

“Here. 27 cans of sliced beef Fancy Feast. May I have my reward now?”

(The cat stares at you as if it has never seen you before.)

“Oh. Yes. Of course. Ah. Hm…Take off your boots please.”

“My boots?”

“Yes, it is very important.”

(You do as you’re told, mostly because you just want to continue your quest to the mountain.) 

(The cat promptly vomits into one boot and leaves a half dead mouse in the other.) 

“…This is the worst side quest ever.”

And that’s the day the adventurer learned to never take instructions from a cat.

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